Something Excellent

Classic forum game! The rules are simple. The poster above you will wish for something. You are a wicked genie - grant it, but make it horrible with a little twist. Then add your own wish for someone ELSE to fuck over.

i.e.
A: I wish for a sandwich
B: Granted, but it's made of actual sand. I wish for a lot of money.
C: Okay, but it's monopoly money and your house is buried in it. I wish I had wings...
etc.

Anyway, I wish they made cars bigger on the inside!

wish granted. the inside of cars have been scaled up by 1000 times, making it virtually impossible to drive.
i wish i had infinite wishes :trollface:

Granted! You have infinite wishes! They all occur simultaneously, and cancel each other out!

I wish rainbow dash was real.

Granted! She knows what you did, and resents you for taking her away from everypony she ever loved.

I wish this monkey's paw I had would stop curling its fingers down.

Granted! Your own fingers curl instead, never to regain their dexterity.

I wish we could end world hunger.

Granted! It has been replaced by World "General Ambivalence Towards The Concept Of Getting Up And Getting A Meal."

I wish I didn't have stress nightmares anymore.

granted! you now have euphoric nightmares instead. theyre somehow worse.
i wish i could shapeshift

granted! though you can only shapeshift into an igloo and a hotdog for some reason

i wish the person granting my wish would have a great day

granted! i have a truly wonderful day, followed by a truly hellish year

i wish that climate change was brought to an end!

granted! climate is now unchangeable, and millions die in perpetual droughts, floodings, heatwaves and so on. hey, at least SOME parts went unscathed!

i wish perpetual motion machines were real, and we mastered the harvest of infinite energy

granted! unfortunately, we have yet to master the storage of infinite energy; we might not have any issues yet, but the first ever perpetual motion plant meltdown will be one for the ages, certainly.

I wish i never had to work another day in my life.

granted! you fall dead on the floor.
i wish something horrible happened, which by reverse psychology will be corrupted into a good thing!

granted! something excellent happens, something that is truly so good and euphoric that nothing ever lives it down, ever. you are forever stuck in a state of unsatisfaction and mediocrity.

I wish sonic beat that plumber guy silly

granted! sonic spin dashes and blows out of a flat screen TV, scaring a small child before beating the shit out of his father, a lowly plumber down on his luck who decided to give his son the best birthday gift a son could get, a new nintendo switch system! surely you expected this by forgetting to give a name to said plumber?

i wish for a new nintendo switch system!

Granted! Now you have to pay 20 big ones for Nintendo Switch Online, unless you don't want to play with your friends.

I wish for a Signed Babe Ruth baseball.

granted! i hope you can catch his famous 97 mph pitch!

i wish it would stop being summer already so can wear some god damned coats.

granted! nuclear winter.

i wish to be simply irresistible

granted! all the hottest babes can't help but fling themselves towards you. you are crushed to death under a ten-babe dogpile

i wish i had x-ray vision

Your wish is my command. Did you know that the human eye has a lens in it that filters out ultraviolet light? When people lose the filter due to accidents and surgery, they can see ultraviolet light. However, there is a reason that we have the lens: ultraviolet rays can damage our eyes. Anyway, your eyes now have an x-ray attraction system, and are constantly funneling these high energy waves right into your eyes. Really, right through your eyes, your brain, and the back of your head. I don't think you'll have long to live. I'm sorry.

I wish I was better at using my time to watch anime.

congratulations! all of the time you will ever spend talking to others, seeing your loved ones, and indulging in non-anime hobbies has now been scheduled for anime watching
i wish i was taller

granted! you grow taller by exactly 1 centimeter. thats it

i wish to be able to pass every test i take

congratulations ! your pregnancy test came back positive

i wish there was a food that i was always in the mood for

granted! youre now always in the mood for star wars branded frosted lava berry pop tarts.

i wish for humanity to receive alien contact

granted! in fact, YOU are the first to receive alien contact! physical contact, to be exact. it breaks your jaw. what comes after is up to your imagination!

i wish that i knew EVERYTHING!

your WISH is my COMMAND! with the snap of my fingers, everything about the universe and everything in life, death, and beyond floods your head harder than what happens when you eat leftover mexican food. eventually, due to the extreme, sporadic, and quick transfer of information to your brain, you start to scream in agony. oh god, it hurts. it hurts so much.
fortunately, you survive! unfortunately, you grow to be in a chronic, depressive, and suicidal state. also, due to information overload, you develop extreme brain fog, among other negative effects that affect your productivity.

i wish my brain didn't need sleep!