Everafter

[Deacon Blues]

>John: Examine fatherly portrait.

This is a portait of your DAD.

The occasional, wistful glance you give it brings back fond memories. He passed away a few years ago, you DON'T REALLY LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT.

> John: Examine pipe.

The pipe belonged to your DAD, one of the numerous smoking implements he maintained. Because your DAD left behind no ashes, you display his favorite pipe instead of a SACRED URN.

It's probably for the best, those things were just made to be TOPPLED.

>John: Equip hats.

Even the grip of paternal nostalgia isn't tight enough to prevent you from donning a CLEVER DISGUISE.

And it is clever, no matter what anyone says otherwise.

>John: Follow scent.

Your nose leads you to the KITCHEN.

The red light on the PHONE is blinking, indicating that someone left a message for you.

The OVEN is on. You're not sure why this is...

> John: Check message.

► Show Spoiler

181-5195: Hello John, I understand that today marks a most auspicious day on the calendar of any young man.
181-5195: And, that in keeping with the old world rites of passage, you no longer require the "young" prefix.
181-5195: Yes, you join the rest of us in true adulthood, John. It is jungle lush with taxes, memos, ties, and commuting.
181-5195: Of course, this isn't to say that the jungle is boring. Every jungle is rife with danger, scuttling just beneath a thin, green layer of underbrush.
181-5195: But I'm sure that if anyone can brave it, it's you.
181-5195: This is all to say: happy birthday, John.
181-5195: I'm truly sorry that I wasn't able to find a gift, or even celebrate with you. Work keeps Kanaya and I very busy these days.
181-5195: Jade and my brother will surely provide great company and plenty of cheer. Besides, there is always your twenty-first birthday to look forwards to.
181-5195: Don't hesitate to call me as soon as you receive this message. Goodbye and good day.

[averageJokester]

> John: Raid the fridge.
> John: Go outside.

[Radical Dude 42]

> John: Hesitate to call her.
> John: Check oven.

[Deacon Blues]

working on an update now. it was foolish of me to introduce more than one fake book because now the limiting step on making new updates is having to write a bunch of passages in fake books

[Deacon Blues]

> John: Hesitate to call her.

You successful hesitate to call her back by reaching for the nearest massive book and cracking it open.

> John: Raid the fridge.

It's doubtful that you'll be able to follow any of MRS. GRISTWHISTLE'S numerous recipes using only the contents of your fridge. Besides, you usually just alchemize food you want to eat anyways.

John: Examine photo on fridge.


This photo is one of your PRIZED POSSESSIONS, an awkward portrait of you and your friends taken NEARLY TWO YEARS AGO.

It remains a monument to a friendship you never thought would fade, but now your friends can't even make time to hang out on your birthday.

Sudden melancholy washes over you.

> John: Check oven.

The sweet, heady steam rising from the bowels of the oven rouses you from your woe-induced stupor. You open the oven.

John: Peek inside.


You take a look inside... oh no... it can't be...

==>


NO! IT CAN'T BE!

John: Flip the fuck out already.


Why would you flip the fuck out? The only thing inside the oven was some CAKE.

It's been a while since you've had any cake, actually. You don't think you'd mind having a slice or two.

A GREY MOUND OF PLASTIC sticking out from the icing grabs your attention

> John: Okay stop. Why don't you have an easy hands-free communication device?

Ah. It appears your hands-free communication device is embedded in the cake for reasons unknown.

It used to be a PDA, but through alchemy it's evolved into a BASTARD PHONE.

[Feengoid]

>John: Get that phone out of there already.
>John: Look outside.
>John: Check contents of pantries.
>John: Go alchemize some food.

[Deacon Blues]

>John: Get that phone out of there already.

You captchalogue the CAKE in order to retrieve the phone later on down the line. If you are going to do something, you ought to DO IT RIGHT.

You are pretty sure you have the right tool for the job in the BATHROOM.

>John: Look outside.

You can see more of your BACK YARD from the window. The only thing of note is the BARBECUE, which, like the POOL, signals the changing of seasons.

> John: Don green jacket.

Of course! You always jump at a chance to beef up your CLEVER DISGUISE.

Okay, you admit, it's not that clever. The part of you that loves creative accessorizing REFUSES TO DIE, no matter how much maturing you do.

[Deacon Blues]

John: Go to the bathroom.




You proceed down the HALLWAY to the BATHROOM.

On the sink is your RAZOR. It is the only thing in the room that is of any note.

[averageJokester]

> John: Check what's under the sink.
> John: Use razor to carve phone out of cake.
> John: Dispose of cake.

[Radical Dude 42]

Typo!!! Gristwhistle needs an editor! 5th line of last paragraph, "weilding". Also John's hat disappears in the drawn panel but maybe it's just rendered away, like the most important limbs humans have. Not as in hats are limbs, but like arms I mean. In Homestuck.

> Admire terribly ugly rug.
> Leave bathroom.
> Turn on PDAphone.

[Deacon Blues]

AIEEEE!!!!!!!!! Shame on Mrs. Gristwhistle, the senile old battleaxe, for her misspelling misdeeds. I will kill her immediately. And also shame on me for forgetting John's hat! I guess this is an excuse to fix some of the weirdness of that panel (a few people pointed out that John's hands look kind of funny), too.

[Deacon Blues]

> Admire terribly ugly rug.

You're pretty sure there are no UGLY RUGS in your house. You have a pretty keen eye for decor.

Thankfully, there is a TERRIBLY HANDSOME RUG for you to admire instead, and admire it you do.

> John: Use razor to carve phone out of cake.

Way ahead of you! And by you, you mean yourself, obviously. Let's drop it.

> John: Check under the sink.

Towels and shaving cream, normal bathroom stuff.

You don't have a towel rack so you have to keep your wet towels under the sink, too. It's a little mildewy.

> Turn on PDAphone.

Looks like it was on already! Somebody is trying to reach you.

John: Answer.

► Show Spoiler

245-2368: hello?
420-6969: for someone who doesnt have any birthday plans youre hard as shit to reach
245-2368: hi to you too, dave.
245-2368: what are you calling me for? you're not going to wish me happy birthday again, are you?
420-6969: no way man i gave you my birthday tidings already i did my time
420-6969: dont send me back to the slammer im innocent
420-6969: besides i pissed off every prison gang while i was inside it pretty much turned the chainyard into the thunderdome
245-2368: dave.
420-6969: huh? oh yeah i was checking if you got any gifts in the mail besides mine
420-6969: gotta scope out the competition you know how it is
245-2368: rose left me a birthday message but she said she couldn't find a gift for me.
420-6969: shit thats cold even for rose
420-6969: what about jade? she always goes nuts with the gifts
245-2368: i am pretty sure she's still globetrotting with jake so i'm not expecting anything major.
420-6969: i can only imagine how empty your mailbox is
420-6969: its actually making me sort of sad
245-2368: ...
420-6969: dude?
245-2368: i didn't think to check the mail.
420-6969: you didnt check the mail
420-6969: where else do you even check
420-6969: under the bed?
245-2368: dave, i am this close to hanging up on you.
245-2368: you can't see it but my pointer finger and my thumb are so close to touching.
420-6969: please have mercy i couldnt handle it if your fingers touched
245-2368: alright, i will spare you just this once.
245-2368: but i still have to go, i should probably check the mail.
420-6969: let me know how it goes
420-6969: peace

> John: Dispose of cake.

You stow the cake in your sylladex and exit the bathroom. It would probably be best to toss this in the garbage outside the GARAGE.

[Feengoid]

> John: Inspect the hung eyesore to your left.
> John: Leave house.

[Radical Dude 42]

> John: Go check mail before the garage.

[Deacon Blues]

> John: Inspect the hung eyesore to your left.

You feel the need to once again clarify how keen your eye for decor is.

Among the great heroes of the old world, the ones memorialized in the portrait hung to your left are THE GREATEST. Yes, you have enshrined HARRY ANDERSON and his NIGHT COURT in riches and luxury, turning them into a KNIGHT COURT of JESTERS FOR JUSTICE.

Sometimes, you imagine throwing away your TV and hanging this portrait in your living room instead.

> John: Go check mail before the garage.

You proceed to the front door, through the living room.

> John: Leave house.

You leave the house.

[Deacon Blues]

a sound page is coming next. you knew it was gonna happen, i knew it was gonna happen, we all knew it was gonna happen. when you make an mspfa that closely follows homestuck's formula, you are going to have to watch a kid look up at the sky while some foreboding foley plays in the background. and it's exams week! so it'll probably be a little bit before i get around to making it real

[Radical Dude 42]

Good luck on your exams! I will happily wait until you can make a sound page without any class stress.

[Deacon Blues]

[S] ==>


The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the mouth of an empty bottle, or say, a cut reed. A familiar note is produced. It's the call of Rapture, awaiting a response.

The wind continues to blow, turning over stones and kicking up memories. It is your eighteenth birthday, and something is missing from your life. The lack of birthday fanfare is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, condemned to obscurity. His is the last laugh, a cackle ringing through the void to meet your ears at a whisper. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery long since forgotten, shelved in Babel, collecting silence and rumor. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.

"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -François de La Rochefoucauld

You are not so sure François de La Rochefoucauld said that. You are not so sure of a lot of things.

You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.

John: Look inside mailbox.


There is a letter in the mailbox.

[Radical Dude 42]

> John: What are you waiting for? Grab letter

[Etch]

> John: Emotionally process the letter.

[GargleGoyle]

really good shit you've got going on here as per usual, deacon! took me a while to get around to reading it but i really enjoy it so far
> John: captchalogue letter for further reading inside


p.s. i assumed dad was going to end up haunting the house à la Ghost Dad when i first saw that there was a cake in the oven

[UFO]

Glad I finally got around to checking in on this, great stuff so far man! I was gonna leave a command, but I think the all the feasible actions for this letter have been exhausted by others already. Maybe next update!

[Deacon Blues]

> John: What are you waiting for? Grab letter

Jeez! Not everything has to be a federal issue.

You retrieve the letter from the mailbox.

> John: Read letter.




You would, but there is something you need to take care of first.

To the side of your house lies the TRASH CAN.

[Deacon Blues]

NO MORE HIATUS. I WILL TRY TO UPDATE MORE FREQUENTLY. MY JOB ENDS SOON.

[Feengoid]

> John: Take out the trash.
> John: Enter door.